Bankrupt by Attention

Hello, Mosth-loyals,

I've been thinking a lot lately about the cost of attention, and through all my computations and permutations one recurring decimal has stood out, and that is the cost varies from person to person.

What is attention? It is a state of mind comprised of time, interest, and communication. It is an all-or-none principle, without any of the three components it wouldn't work. When we give attention to a thing or person we imply that that object is the subject of our time. Time being qualified as personal and none personal, and in this context, it is a combination of both. The same can be said for interest, we consciously learn, unlearn and relearn more about this object, and finally, we communicate what we know, and have learned, back to this object for feedback and validation purposes.

I call these the currency of attention and we all have it in 24-hour bills. The valuation of attention is individualistic. We overprice some and disregard others. For me, it depends on the nature of the relationship.

How do you trade for attention? Do you invest short, medium, or long-term? Do you spend without expectation of returns, are you miserly? Are you frugal? Are you bankrupt from giving so much and getting nothing in return?

She pays no attention to me! A phrase that resonates with most men, but the hard question to ask is why? Is it a lack of time? Interest? Or communication ? Once the source(s) of the problem has been identified it's halfway solved. Perhaps her professional time is encroaching on her personal time which you both share and as such you have to give more of yours to restore balance. Perhaps she is losing interest and both parties need to explore new ways to make their relationship more exciting, worst of all she has regressed in communicating her challenges.

A dear friend of mine shared a personal experience with me of how she tried to pay for attention with money and the negative consequences of her actions. Gifts, trips, and thrills devoid of meaningful connection were her substitutes for attention, and this yielded undesirable results, and as her therapist put it, "what guilt are you trying to make up for". The moral of her story was, nothing beats dedication of one's self to attention.

We handle attention in a similar way to money. We prioritize what we spend on. Bills take the top spot on the list be it rent, mortgage, electricity, water, or the internet, things we can not live without. It is our emotional responsibility to identify persons in our lives who we should consider bills, without which our convenience, balance, or peace is offset. We should be sensitive to the telltale signs of attention deficit because afterward comes bankruptcy and foreclosure of the relationship with total disconnect. And as a learned protective behavior, no one wants to return to a relationship that was riddled with contempt, hurt, and undermined their attention.

One of the ways I deal with reciprocating attention is by scheduling. By making a conscious effort to pay my beloved human bills, partially or in full, late some times and early other times but above all being sensitive and responsive to attention deficit, and take the right decisions for reparation.

Consider this as a wake-up call, to evaluate or demand more on how you use your attention.