Sorries and Goodbyes

Apologies, not so easy to come by for some, and for others, it comes as a torrential flood even for the slightest misdemeanor. Whatever the case maybe it is a universal verbalized or written olive branch, an indication that a party has rescinded or regretted his or her previous position and is willing to compromise or come to the negotiation table. It is a brake to a perceived or presumed deterioration in the status quo of things. A simple I don't want things to get worse and I regret my previous stance on the issue.

Does this work in reality?

Goodbyes, ordinarily connote the end. but has associated nuances, it could be said as a threat, or an actual fact, worse off it may not be said at all. It is a place where only the prepared win and all other parties lose. It is the joker on the game table of life that many suspect but never know where or when it will be served up. There are no happy goodbyes.

How do we decipher which is which?

Experience they say is the best teacher. Well, who teaches when there's no experience to leverage on?  - knowledge. What I now know about apologies and goodbyes from juxtaposing knowledge with experience is that both are used interchangeably, simultaneously and it's all in the syntax.

An apology may come a day late and a dollar short and have no effect. It may also come as one last attempt to beat a dead horse when all the signs of death to that relationship are obvious and like a defibrillator bring it back to life. It may be timely and save the day but the key factor here is the Recipient. Only the recipient of an apology determines its temporality, and it is a question of sincerity.

I have also learned that in all scenarios where a genuine and meaningful apology is effective, forgiveness was already in the bag. So in essence apologies don't evoke forgiveness rather it's the currency to purchase its provision and an erring party should always present a lofty sum. When that has been rendered, there is a waiting period to determine if the purchase is indeed successful. Nonetheless, the offender or pacifist should acknowledge the fact that there could have been none in the first place and seize torturing his or her emotional bank to churn out more apologies to pay for a non-refundable, non-existent forgiveness at the detriment of one's self-esteem.

Conversely, a goodbye could point to the fact that one is headed the right way in the wrong direction, and serve as a lifeline to recourse an erring party to the safe area where apologies suffice. Quite bluntly it could just signify the end.

If I were a global symbol for proper human reasoning I would prefer these words were used as they were designed to - an apology preceding a goodbye, but I am not an oracle of wisdom.

What is paramount is, aside from providing an apology, you must discern whether or not it will yield results. This is predicated on the recipient's person and perception of the sincerity of your apology, have you abused its efficacy?  had it become rhetoric? are you just playing to the gallery? is the recipient just unwilling and insincere? if you can answer these questions you have about a 50% chance to know what the outcome might be. The other elusive 50% is what frustrates us most times and breeds humiliation. Not knowing what the other party is thinking. Even when we are sure the apology should work.

I leave you with these words as an answer to that, May God, grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and wisdom to know the difference... in all situations find your peace.